Missed Appointments and Facial Lesions

Mom,

I missed my doctor's appointment because I remembered the date wrong. It turned out to be on the 9th. These things are so far out when they schedule them they are impossible to remember. Heaven knows what I do with the appointment slips.

My condition has worsened, and I now have lesions on my face, as well as most of my body, and am in constant misery as far as that goes. The "infection" is definitely in my respiratory system, as every time I blow my nose, it is accompanied by a tickling/crawling sensation, in/on/and around my nose, and there are lesions in that vicinity. The organisms have been getting into and irritating/stinging my eyes quite a bit lately as well.

I was supposed to report to the GA Office on Friday the 13th to supply a doctors note or other evidence to support my claim of disability, which I wasn't able to obtain because I missed my Doctor's appointment, so I was hoping to get an extension. Just as I was leaving the house on Friday to go to my appointment, there was a police raid on the house, and I was handcuffed, searched, and prevented from leaving, as were the other occupants of the house while the police conducted a search warrant on the entire house for a few hours. I have no idea what they were looking for, but 3 people in the house were arrested for drug related offenses based on things found in their rooms and on their persons. By the time the police finished the search, and released myself and the others, it was too late to go to the GA office, which meant that my welfare benefits would be terminated. (If you miss your appointment with GA, your benefits are terminated, and you have to wait 60 days before you can start the application process again from the beginning, during which time you get no benefits)

HOWEVER, I went in today without an appointment (and waited for 4 hours to see someone), with a copy of the search warrant that the police gave Bob, which was dated the same as my appointment, and was able to convince them, not only to restore my benefits, but also to give me a 3 month extension on providing a doctors note supporting my claim of disability! This was a BIG relief!

I have found a credible (in my judgment) website that details a comprehensive approach for combating the skin related issues related to Morgellons, posted by a fellow sufferer, and I have started following some of the tips, which seem to make a slight improvement and provide a small amount of relief. I will have to buy the rest of the products (not cheap) mentioned in order to fully check it out, but I have high hopes. I just have vinegar, peroxide, selsun blue, and salt
now (not enough for a bath) and have using the "spray method" detailed on the website. You can check it out yourself at:

https://www.morgellonstreatmentsteps.com/Morgellons_Topical_Treatmen.html
(This website is no longer active as the owner of the site was threatened to take it down or face fines or imprisonment due to the fact that it recommends treatment for a medical issue without medical license to do so. This is a pitiful example of how it seems the Medical system is set up to HURT us rather than help us.)

My last problem is that my cellphone is eating up WAY too much money! I NEED to get a PC running again so I can use email and Skype instead of my cellphone. I have been without a working computer for almost 5 months now!

I actually have all the working components of a Pentium 4 computer except for one item. I DESPERATELY NEED A PENTIUM 4 MOTHERBOARD! (Dell wants $250 for a new one. Hell, I could buy a used computer for that!) I have two Intel processors that I believe still work, (The 1.8Ghz Pentium 4 from my Dell, and a 2.4Ghz Celeron) and 512MB of one type of RAM (a DIMM with two indentations) and 256MB of another (a DIMM with one indentation). Obviously it would be best to find a board that is compatible with the 2 indentation RAM. I have a monitor, several empty PC chassis, various cards including several monitor cards, ethernet cards, and even a WiFi PCI card. Can you PLEASE check with K and B, and see if anyone has a working motherboard they are no longer using? I could cut $50-$80 a month out of my monthly budget if I had a working PC!

I still need to get a new hard drive, but I see that goodwill's downtown location has used ones for $20. Then it looks like I will have to buy Windows XP once again, as it appears my Windows XP Installation Disk and License Key were amongst the items that were stolen from my room while I was in the hospital. But, initially I should be able to borrow someone else's XP disk to get things up and working and then run for a while using the 30 day evaluation version. At the end of the 30 days you can reformat your hard drive and get another 30 day trial period. As long as I have a spare hard drive to back up my data, this can be an effective way to run until I can afford a new copy of XP. ($100)

Two Trips to the Emergency Room

In February I decided to visit the ER of the UCSF Medical Center (the closest hospital to my home) after yet another "ocular invasion" (attack of the eye), during which my eye swelled shut with intense pressure, and felt like it was continually being pricked by 1000 needles at the same time. At this time I was starting to lose my hearing as well. By the time I became fully aware of it, I estimate that about 50% of my hearing was gone. (Within 2 weeks my hearing slowly returned to normal, although there have been many recurrances of this since then)

After an 8-10 hour wait, they examined me and noted that my eyes and ears did seem to have some kind of infection. They told me to go see an E.N.T. (Ear Nose Throat) Doctor and then discharged me. (I never went to see an E.N.T.)

Before the doctor discharged me, he happened to mention a word to me which I had never heard before. "Morgellons". He did not elaborate other than to say that one of the former physicians in at UCSF had left his practice to start a clinic or research center to study "Morgellons".

He did not explain what Morgellons was, but implied that I should do some research about it. I asked him to write the word down for me, so I'd know what to look up. He wrote a single word down for me on a piece of paper. "Morgollons" (It was misspelled, but I figured out once I got home that he must have meant "Morgellons") I still have that paper around here somewhere!

He acted like what he was telling me was "hush hush", and then discharged me shortly afterwards. This intrigued me to the point that I immediately looked up the word "Morgollons" when I got home. (and then Google suggested "Morgellons" instead)

At first it was difficult wading through all sorts of sites offering various snake-oil remedies for Morgellons, but finally I found some legitimate sites, and some research articles written by Ginger Saveley, FNP.

THIS WAS IT! Finally! my symptoms outlined perfectly! After 2 years of inexplicable symptoms that didn't add up, I believed I finally had an explanation! Why had I been unable to find this info before? I suppose it must be because most of my previous google searches included the word "Parasite".

I began to spend almost every waking hour researching this new lead, until I became certain that THIS was at last the explanation for all my mysterious symptoms!

THEN, about a month later, during which time I only left my room occasionally to eat, and had no other real social contact, I suddenly realized that I was turning yellow! My skin was yellow, my eyes were yellow, and I felt much more awful than usual.

I headed back to the ER at UCSF Medical Center. This time they admitted me, (after making me wait for about 14 hours in the ER waiting room) and ran all sorts of tests for 6 days ($40,000 worth according to the bills they still send me), before they concluded that I had Hepatitis A, and sent me home.

In retrospect, I recall that during my prior visit to the ER a month before, I used a filthy toilet in the Hospital lobby. Since all of the toilets were in atrocious shape (some with vomit, others with fecal matter) I carefully selected the least horrifying toilet, having to clean some fecal matter off the seat with toilet paper before using it.

I believe this is how I must have come by my Hepatitis A infection. A Nosocomial Infection. As if I didn't have enough problems without that! You'd think in a hospital full of sick people they'd do a better job of cleaning the toilets!

The good thing that came out of all of this was that I was able to discuss my symptoms in depth with several doctors at the hospital during my stay, and they ran a battery of tests for me. Unfortunately none of them were familiar with Morgellon's. While they eventually came to the conclusion that I was suffering from Delusions of Parasites, just as the previous doctors I had seen did, at least they bothered to take a scientific approach, and run some tests first. (One theory they were considering for my Jaundice was a parasitic blockage)

While I gained no further insight into my illness, I had at least gotten an extensive battery of tests that ruled out other possible causes such as HIV, Hep C, cancer, etc.

While I still was suffering from all of the symptoms that I attribute to Morgellons, and no closer to finding a solution, at least I could take comfort in the fact that all my tests seemed to indicate that I was healthy of all the other conventional diseases.

Seeking Help

Dear Nurse Practioner Ginger Savely:

I have forwarded the following message (quoted after this message) that I previously addressed to a parasitologist at USCF. I never received a response.

I came across your name recently on the internet, and was delighted to read about your work.

I live here in San Francisco, and my health is inexplicably deteriorating rapidly.

A recent trip to the USCF ER proved fruitless, although the ER Doctor for some reason, in a very brief departure from his skepticism, happened to mention the word "Morgellons", a term I had never heard before. He "could not see" the fibers present around my eyes, which astonished me (because myself and other people can see them), although he did say my eyes appeared to be "infected".

I wonder if this may be related to Strongyloides?

Please contact me at your earliest convenience.

Sent Mon, Feb 5, 2007 at 4:47 PM
To: Dr. Locksley

Dear Dr. Locksley (Parasitology Department, UCSF Medical Center):

I ran across your name and contact info while searching for answers online about a condition I have developed. I am hopeful you may be able to steer me in the correct direction.

I believe I have contracted some type of worm-like parasite that seems to be infecting my upper respiratory system, and I believe has been responsible for at a couple of recent ocular invasions. The parasites, which resemble very thin hairs or fibers (that move), and occasionally small flesh colored lumps, appear to be most present in or around the region of my eyes, ears, and nose, as well as above and below the skin in many other regions of my body. One trait I have noticed is that the parasites seem to gather around the edges of my eyes, seeming to attach themselves to my eyelashes (and other follicles). I have also noted their presence in my urethra and my stool.

Am I describing anything you are familiar with?

Can you please suggest an appropriate course of action? I have already visited the Tom Waddell clinic (after my first ocular invasion) and let’s just say that the Doctor there didn’t seem too familiar with parasitic infestations, beyond those created by mental delusions.

I am certain that this is not delusions of parasites, and have physical evidence, and people who have witnessed physical aspects of these 'parasites', to support me in that regard.

Can you please suggest an appropriate course of action? Would it be apropos for me to visit the UCSF Medical Center ER?

Thanks in advance for your time and consideration.

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From: Ginger Savely, FNP
Date: Sat, Feb 25, 2007 at 2:11 PM

Dear David -

I have attached the necessary paperwork to become a patient of Ms.
Savely's. As soon as we receive your completed forms we will contact
you by email to offer you an appointment.

By the way, Morgellons is NOT strongyloides - this has been proven at
the DNA level.

Looking forward to hearing from you,

Office Manager for
Ginger Savely, RN, FNP-C

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From: Me
Date: Sun, Feb 26, 2007 at 4:33 PM
To: Mom

I just received the forms from Ginger Savely, filled them out and faxed them in.

WOW! Very enlightening. The symptoms listed on the forms describe EVERYTHING I have been dealing with down to the most minute detail!!! from the mental fog to the fatigue, to the fleshy lumps on my head! I have never seen ALL of my symptoms listed in one place before!!!

Any remaining doubt that I may have had that Morgellons is what I am dealing with varnished while I was filling out those forms.

BTW, Unfortunately a $500 deposit is required (by credit card) to even MAKE an appointment!

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From: Mom
Date: Sun, Feb 26, 2007 at 5:06 PM

David

How do you know how much treatment costs? I don't see anything about that on your communications.

Mom

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From: Mom
Date: Sun, Feb 26, 2007
To: Ginger Savely, FNP

My son, David Franklin, who lives in San Francisco and is 36, emailed you recently about symptoms he has been having for some time and which have steadily been getting worse. You sent him some forms about Morgellons Disease (Morgellons Questionnaire, Disability Scale, and Clinical Signs and Symptoms). He has emailed me that in order to get treatment through your
office he will need to bring in an initial payment of $500, plus $800 for lab fees, plus any prescriptions deemed necessary, plus $250 for each subsequent visit. He said he read this on one of the forms you sent.

David has been unemployed for some time due to his illness, and he needs to apply for
indigent health care, if he qualifies for that. I don't know what the program is called in California (I live in Arizona). Is it Medicaid? Right now he has no job, no money, no car, and no health insurance, but he is too ill to work. Does your office have a social worker or someone who can help him apply for benefits like this? If not, do you accept patients who cannot pay, or do you negotiate your fees? Do you ever accept patients and negotiate a repayment schedule based upon their ability to pay in the future?

I want to come from Arizona to help David in any way that I can, such as driving him to an appointment, talking to a social worker or members of the health care team, or picking up prescriptions for him. However, I will only be able to stay for a couple of days at a time so I need to schedule as many things as possible during my visits. Any assistance you can give me with these questions would really be appreciated.

Thank you,

K.F.

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From: The Office of Ginger Savely, FNP
Date: Monday, February 26, 2007 7:03 PM
To: K.F.

Dear K - Unfortunately, for many complex reasons, we do not take Medi-Cal (that's what it's called here). We have at least 5 patients a day asking for free care or sliding scale. It's impossible to choose and not being able to handle all of that free or low cost care we simply can't take any. I am so sorry. Please write to ccaseyrn@hughes.net for advice. She is the nurse who works with Ms. Savely and also maintains an email counseling service for Morgellons patients. I think she may know of someone in Oklahoma who could help, but I'm not sure. Good luck to both you and your son.

-B
Office Manager for Ginger Savely

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From: Mom
Date: Mon, Feb 27, 2007 at 3:55 PM
To: Me

David

I think the priority for my first visit should be to get you enrolled in as many social services that you are eligible for as we possibly can, especially Medi-Cal. That way you'll have a way to pay for medical services.

Since Ginger Savely's work is controversial, according to research I've been doing on the internet, I'm not sure her services are covered even by Medi-Cal. Therefore, it might be better to take you in to a family practice physician whose fees would be lower for an initial visit. That way I would be able to afford the out-of-pocket expense for the doctor and medication, and you would be able to get started on some treatment, such as something that would help your itching and whatever else the doctor thinks you need. You should certainly tell the doctor (or nurse practitioner, if that's who you see) about all of your symptoms (you could fill out that questionnaire you got from Ginger Savely's office and give them that--we can make copies of the form you fill out to use in case we eventually need to see more than one physician), and they may need to consult with someone else or refer you to someone else for follow-up.

Bob and I certainly can't afford to pay $500 for a visit plus $250 for subsequent visits, especially if treatment takes an extended period of time with her methods. If you read some of the blogs about her, many people who have been treated by her claim that she is a total fraud, ripped them off, they got treated successfully finally somewhere else for much less money, etc., etc. Others, of course, swear by her treatment and even continue to come to see her from Texas, where she was previously. But those are people who can afford to pay her.

Bob did some research on getting qualified for disability under Social Security, and it is really difficult. You have to be certified by several physicians under the SS criteria, and you have to go through a few appeals processes, so of course you would need to be able to pay for those doctor visits, or have insurance that pays for them, before you could get to that point. That's why getting you enrolled is so important as a first step.

Love, Mom

Neverending flu-like symptoms

Mom,

I don't know what I have, except that I'm in very bad shape, it doesn't seem to be getting better, and I am starting to have some grave concerns. Presently I don't have the strength, or clarity of thought to do anything but ride it out, and even that is excruciating and intolerable. I just need this to END! As I said, I don't even have Tylenol. (I HAD a full bottle of Ibuprofen 600, previously prescribed to me, that someone seems to have absconded with) I don't know why, but I have had this horrible taste in my mouth all week. Quite nasty. Water sure doesn't guise it.

I am not weighing myself, but am aware that my weight must be dropping quickly. I am starting to wonder how long I am capable of continuing this way. (probably longer than I can imagine)

What I could really use right now is some excedrin or something like it, LOTS of juice, and or Soda, and soft food of some sort.

Any chance you'd be willing to overnight a gift card from Walgreens or Rite Aid? (cash simply disappears in the post around here unfortunately) I could get some headache medicine, juices, something soft to attempt to eat, and some razors. I could probably even pick up a cheap set of hair clippers. (mine broke last month, and I am starting to look like the wild man from Borneo, between my hair and my unshaved beard)

Then the only challenge will be getting myself to the store (no small feat). Perhaps I can send someone with a list and the card.

My roommate Mel finally took notice of my plight yesterday, and brought me several glasses of water, and some tomato soup. I was unable to eat very much of the tomato soup, as it made my stomach "burn", as you heard the result of when I called you this morning.

As soon as I am well enough I need to go to GA to apply for food and cash assistance which I am told I would qualify for, (the food stamps I would get same day) but there hasn't been a moment this week where that has been the case (to say the least). It is a several hour-long project stepping foot in the door of that office anyway, and I'm not feeling well enough for that at all.

Oh, one more thing, the results of my blood tests performed at the ER should be ready now, although I have no idea what tests were performed. I was told to "check back in a week" to get the results. I DO know that while the ER Dr. was much more professional than the last guy, he was quite skeptical of the idea of parasitic infection (and stated such) simply in general due to its "rarity", so who knows if any tests for parasites were actually performed.

Anyway I have to get back to bed. Feeling nauseous again, which is excruciating if I am not hydrated enough for it to be productive (dry heaves), as I have learned the hard way, so I'd better rest.

I'll check messages again when I can.

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From: Me
Date: Sat, Feb 24, 2007 at 4:59 AM
To: Mom

one more quick update on a positive note: after going downstairs I was famished, and decided to reheat the tomato soup that Mel made me. I was able to sip it slowly in its entirety, and it seemed to go down okay this time. Feeling brave I then prepared a BLT, being careful to cook out all the grease from the bacon before using it. (in the microwave) I was able to eat half of this, and decided to save the rest for later rather than overdo it. I feel a LOT better to say the least, and my headache appears to have let up for a bit as well.

Now that my head isn't hurting so badly, perhaps I can attempt TV, which may help me take my mind off my discomfort.

At some point I will try to assess the damage to my Dell. I have brought it back from the dead many times before, (including once after the entire computer was smashed into a dozen pieces on a concrete floor, requiring 2 weeks of soldering work to make it functional again). The burning question is what components will require replacement this time, or has their time in the open air been enough to undo the damage caused by the iced tea (doubtful). The hard drive went down making a horrible noise after the tea was spilled, but then that's a noise that most things might make when you pour liquid into them while they are spinning at 5000 rpms or so. Generally not considered a good thing to subject a hard drive to though.

I wonder if Nurse Practitioner Ginger Savely's office is open today? I think I'll look into that before I log off Bob's computer.

BTW, How far are you from the status of "Nurse Practitioner" yourself? Not a title you hear too often. Is that because they are basically Doctors that differ in practice or doctrine officially sactioned by the AMA? If so, I like the sound of it already! A Doctor capable of open-minded and independent thought!

The ER Doctor at USCF Medical Center who mentioned "Morgellons" to me, albeit skeptically, but obviously for a reason, also mentioned a doctor who had left his/her practice at UCSF to pursue treatment of this "disease". I wonder if that could be Ginger Savely?

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From: Mom
Date: Sun, Feb 25, 2007 at 10:24 AM

David

I only have an associate (two-year) degree in nursing. A Nurse Practitioner is like a nurse with a Master's degree, specializing in some area of medicine. They are licensed to practice medicine in that area, including prescribing medications, under the supervision of a physician (meaning the patients and what they do is reviewed and discussed on a regular basis with a physician). You do hear the title "nurse practitioner" all the time now (at least in Arizona), because if you go into a hospital or doctor's office, chances are the first person you'll see for treatment is a nurse practitioner (NP) or physician's assistant (PA), which is a similar thing, only that person is not a nurse, just like an assistant doctor. A PA also has a Master's degree.

Fill out those forms and send them back so you can see Ginger Savely. Then you won't have to deal with skeptical people anymore who don't know what they're talking about.

I think you need me to come to SF and help you take care of getting things done, such as getting down to get your GA application and your check, getting your lab work results, etc. When would be a good time?

Love, Mom

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From: Me
Date: Sun, Feb 25, 2007 at 4:32 PM
To: Mom

I think you are right about coming here. I need help.

I am beyond my wit's end. Please come soon. When are you available? Don't make hotel reservations for more than a night or two. Once you get here I can help you secure a room for the duration of your stay in the $50-$60 range. In fact, I can possibly find a 2 room/and or bed setup of around that price. I could really use a break from this place if that works for you.

d

First Realization of Possible Parasitic Infection

From: S.B.
Date: Fri, Feb 2, 2007 at 10:41 AM

How are you doing? I haven't heard from you in awhile. --S.

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From: Me
Date: Sat, Feb 3, 2007 at 10:31 PM
To: S.B.

Sorry for not communicating in a while. Things are quite miserable.

It seems that I have some sort of worm-like parasite that I no doubt contracted from my cats or my former dog. (possibly years ago)

I became aware of this fact back in early January when a multitude of the parasites attacked one of my eyes for some unknown reason. The horrifying realization came when I noted that they seemed to be coming from INSIDE my eyelid.

Trying to extricate them proved to be a hazardous and fruitless endeavor as it resulted in damage to my eye both as a result of my efforts, and due to the fact that the "worms" (resembling very thin fibers) seemd to be burrowing into my eye, which was extremely painful to say the least.

I immediately went (by bus) to the Tom Waddell clinic, and sat painstakingly for 6 hours in their dirty little waiting room surrounded by hunched over, crazy homeless lowlifes, all of whom wanted to "chat".

I finally got in to see the "Doctor", who interrupted me 20 seconds into my description of the issue, before I could even BEGIN my explanation of what it was that I felt I had, by him telling me that he didn't see anything present that he could diagnose. I explained that they were transparent/translucent, difficult to see, and happened to NOT be crawling out of my eye at present, but seemed abundant in numbers, and would certainly show up under a microscope, and or with any other type of test they must have for such a thing.

He repeated that he saw nothing he could diagnose, then he gave me a number for Mental Health Services and fled the room. Two orderlies showed up shortly thereafter to expedite my departure.

I have never felt so humiliated in my life.

Shortly after I arrived home, after another very long, very uncomfortable bus ride, several small maggot like shapes (that were not moving) began to drop out of my left eye, just as my brother dropped by to say hello on his way back north to his home (he had been in AZ and L.A.) He was quite horrified to see my condition and situation, and since his visit my whole family calls on a daily basis to prod me to go back to another doctor or ER.

I had enough trouble getting myself to see a Doctor the first time, and find the possibility of a repeat occurrence of what I went through to be an unfathomable idea.

I have pretty much been locked in my room since then, coming out to eat and use the restroom only.

I have been researching various parasitic candidates online, but am unable to lock it down to one. There is very little information available. Most of what I find comes from Vet websites, all of which strongly warn against the danger of human infestation from pets (although when I call a doctor's office they act like I am crazy when I mention that I believe that I caught
a parasite from my pets).

It is my birthday today, but I have not left my room except to eat and urinate. I am miserable, depressed, extremely uncomfortable at all times due to the infestation. (they are now present in my eyes, ears, and nose, and seem to have a strong presence in my upper respiratory tract) In spite of their ever increasing presence, they are still not easy to see due to their size, (they are extremely thin - thinner than hairs), although I have identified some specimens under my skin that are several inches long. Most are translucent, but some seem to have a black or blue tint to them. (I am certain they are not veins) I suppose I am waiting for their presence to become so apparent that I am ensured to be taken seriously the next time I find enough inner strength to make it down to an ER somewhere (I shall NEVER return to the Tom Waddell clinic again in this lifetime.)

Sorry things are so glum. I didn't want you to think I was avoiding you for no good reason.

Wish me luck in finding a way out of this mess before I suffer any permanent damage.

Hope you are well.

D

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From: S.B.
Date: Mon, Feb 5, 2007 at 1:18 AM

David,

I am concerned by your e-mail. I'm not familiar with the Tom Waddell clinic, but I think you should immediately try to see a doctor somewhere else. What you are describing is either a parasitic infection, which can be life threatening if left untreated, or as the Waddell doctor implied, a psychological issue that is equally dangerous. Either way, you need to be treated as soon as possible. I would recommend following up on the Mental Health referral, because they will have to rule out any physiological condition before they can treat you psychologically. That means you can take aim at two birds with one stone by starting there.

Please keep in mind, that many doctors are not educated outside of their initial area of study. They expect to only see routine things, and therefore often only "let" themselves "see" routine things. That means if you have something rare, it is hard to get a diagnosis. I saw almost a dozen doctors before i was finally diagnosed with dermatomyositis. All of them were sure what I had was either psychological or not important. Only the last one recognized it as a life threatening condition that would have killed me eventually. It was hard to make myself keep seeking out new doctors, but it probably saved my life. There is nothing to be humiliated or threatened by, except if you stop seeking an answer and let this get the best of you. If you need help, tell you family you need intervention: literally, that you are too ill to seek help yourself. I wish I was closer to help myself.

David, I want you to consider the possibility that what you are experiencing is indeed psychological, or perhaps both psychological and physiological combined. Based on your e-mail, I don't think you sound to be in a very good state of mind. A long period of unemployment or other setback can cause that. You seem to recognize that you are depressed, but you need to know that severe depression can result in both physical manifestations and hallucinations. I know, I'm in the same position myself. However, doing nothing is not an answer, it is not a solution. And, seeking help and treatment is nothing to be ashamed of. See a psychologist, you may be surprised, s/he may tell you you are perfectly normal and just need an antibiotic and a prozac prescription. I've been on anti-depressants since the stroke and they've been trying to figure out a way to get me onto ADD meds as well, but I keep having very severe side effects (heart problems), which causes them to keep pulling me off of the drugs, usually right after I've started feeling better. In the meantime, I'm on a roller coaster myself. Fortunately, I have a safe harbor here with my family. Your priorities needs to be to get a definitive diagnosis, get treatment, and find yourself a safe harbor of your own. If that is with your family, do it! If it is in a shelter, or clinic of some sort, do it! Hiding in your room is not going to solve the problem; just the opposite, it is going to let it get worse. And, you are too smart to let that happen. Remember who you are.

BTW, when you see doctors, don't try to diagnose for them, they hate that. Let them be the smart ones. Just tell them your symptoms. Don't even give them the opportunity to make you feel crazy or stupid. Just tell them the symptoms, in easy, simple terms. If you have a sample of something that came out of your eye, save it in a plastic bag and take it with you to the doctor. DO NOT however try to dig something out of yourself. If you are indeed hallucinating, then you will only injure yourself. David, this is something you can beat, but it will be alot harder to beat if you are blind. Recognize that you may not be in control, that your judgement and perceptions may be very distorted, and then address the limitations that implies. If you have to throw away tweezers and knives, do it. if you have to take the door off your bedroom and curtains off the windows to keep yourself active and engaged, then do it. If you have to blast dance music to keep you awake, then do it. You control the problem, don't let the problem control you.

Happy Birthday (belated). How old are you? Wish I was there to take you out for a celebration.

Let me know how things are progressing. Write me back with a plan for what you are going to do this week. If you want me to get in touch with your family (your brother) for you, send me their contact information. Also, please send me your physical address, phone numbers, etc. You have to be available and willing to interact before others can help you, so make sure as many people know where to find you, how to reach you, etc. as possible. Ask for help.

Keep you chin up! and keep in contact.

S.B.

PS: So what do you think of the iPhone?

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From: Me
Date: Mon, Feb 5, 2007 at 4:48 PM
To: S.B.

A psychiatrist is about the last person on the planet I would go to see right now. I've been seeing them all my life (for ADHD and difficulties I had in my childhood) and I am none the better for it.

The best was when one doctor prescribed Melaril (a sedative that zonks you into oblivion) to try to "slow me down" a bit. I only found it useful to attempt suicide with during my late teens. (by swallowing the whole bottle)

I didn't rise above my problems until I finally cast off their useless "help & advice", and decided to help myself. I'm not saying things have gone perfectly, but nothing they were offering was making it better. I finally decided to simply fight my own demons to the best of my abilities, and I've done a pretty good job up to now I'd say.

If I am hallucinating, then my brother is too. Keep in mind that things were visibly popping out of my eye when her came to visit me.

I didn't say they are invisible, just hard to see. They are getting easier to see however, as they increase in numbers. (something that alarms me as much as it may helps with diagnosis)

What I think I need is a good parasitologist. There are a few over at UCSF, but I have no funds whatsoever.

My mother has offered to fly in and take me to a "specialist", which I have resisted up to now. I really didn't want to involve her, but have recently decided that is my best course of action presently. It's humiliating to need my "Mommy's" help at my age.

She is in Brazil right now for my Brother's wedding, but plans to come here as soon as she returns. In the meantime, I am trying to work up the strength to get myself into the ER at UCSF. I will take your advice about just mentioning symptoms. You are right, the Doctor at Waddell made several sarcastic comments about my attempts to "diagnose" my own condition. (isn't that what any intelligent person would attempt to do though?) It bothers me greatly not being able to lock it down to one identifiable source. In the past I have only sought medical assistance AFTER I diagnosed and identified the source of my own illness, and only then if it was something I could not cure with OTC drugs, home remedies or "grinning and bearing it" 'till it passed.

D

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From: S.B.
Date: Mon, Feb 5, 2007 at 6:05 PM

Please get your mother up there as soon as possible, so you have someone else to lean on. It may not be ideal, but its something. In the meantime, try to "capture" some samples and freeze them. Then take them with you when you go back to a clinic. Please keep me informed on how things are going. --S.

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From: Me
Date: Mon, Feb 5, 2007 at 6:08 PM
To: S.B.


Hi S,

I imagine you'll be happy to know that your letter prompted me to email a local Parasitologist.

I described my symptoms in depth, and asked for his advice. I will let you know what happens.

I am also considering paying a visit to the UCSF ER tonight, fyi.

I do appreciate your concern. Youu are the only friend I have shared these details with. I let you in on my situation, I think subconsciously, because I knew you wouldn't stand for my inactivity, and would light a fire under me until I did something. I also imagine that you have some sense and appreciation from a standpoint of anxiety alone, of how difficult this is for me to cope and deal with.

I think the iPhone is AWESOME and am dying to have the resources to own one someday!

P.S. I have a few samples already.

Btw, the parasite is normally transparent, and difficult to see, but application of ink or paint (I discovered by accident) changes this. After some spray paint was accidentally applied to my arm, the specimens there became much more visible. Less than a minute later after I found little flecks of paint surrounding my eyes. I am certain I did not touch my eyes, nor was any of the paint on my hands.

Also, I have pretty dark circles under my eyes. (I have always had a problem with this due to my complexion) It gets much worse if I don't get enough sleep. My solution for this over the years has been to apply a small amount of yellow tinted concealer under my eyes to counteract the blue circles. Recently when I attempted this, the concealer I had just applied, moved to the other side of my eye. Freaky stuff, I know, but unfortunately real. (I have noted that the organisms seem to cluster around the edges of my eyes)

Rush on Hybrids

I just wrote an article today that got picked up by the Huffington Post! Check it out here:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-franklin/rush-on-hybrids_b_17006.html

A friend of mine brought to my attention that Rush Limbaugh was saying on his radio talk-show that hybrids cost more and cause more pollution in the end than regular cars do, so I decided to investigate his rationale and respond to his claim.

I initially sent this out as a post to the Electric Vehicle and Hybrid Group that I belong to on Yahoo, which someone then forwarded on to the editor of the Huffington Post. They contacted me the same day and asked if they could post it on their website.

Here is the text from the article:

A friend of mine and I were discussing the Oscars, and how many celebrities showed up for the event in their hybrids. He told me how stupid and naive he thought that was because he had heard on Rush Limbaugh's program that hybrids have proven to be a bust, that they cost more in the long run than comparable conventional vehicles, due to actual cost of ownership figures, and in the end we would still use the same amount of oil that we are using now!

Perplexed, knowing quite well that this could not be further from the truth, I read what Rush had to say about hybrids on his website in an attempt to comprehend how he could possibly have arrived by these conclusions. I can sum up in one word what I think of Rush's logic when it comes to hybrids. "Flawed." It is due to this flawed logic that I believe his conclusions are so askew of reality.

As a former Toyota salesperson specializing in Prius and Rav4 EV (how about NO oil!) sales, I cannot speak for the "American" hybrid offerings other than to say that Toyota invested $25 Billion in developing their hybrid technology (more than Ford or GM's net worth), and the American automaker to invest the most so far, Ford, has only put in about $2 Billion! Toyota invests in the future. The big three invest as far ahead as next year's sales, in reality because that's all they can afford to do. They have been dragged into the world of hybrid technology kicking and screaming. The real explanation behind their opposition to developing hybrids is that they don't have the resources to compete with Toyota. Ford's Escape Hybrid, while commendable in that it saves some fuel compared to what a conventional SUV consumes, is not destined to make much of a dent in our skyrocketing demand for foreign oil.

Rush says that, "Contrary to any loose statements made by our marketing partners in the environmental community and media, petroleum not consumed by Prius owners is not 'saved.' It does not remain in the ground. It is consumed by someone else. Greenhouse pollutants are released." I find this statement baffling! Is there a backlog of "oil orders" that lies unfulfilled somewhere that I am unaware of? Are there companies out there just waiting for people to buy more hybrids, so that they can have their oil orders taken off backorder? Not to my knowledge. Logic would dictate that if demand for oil decreases, drilling and production of oil will decrease as well!

Perhaps if it was put another way it would be easier for Rush to grasp the cold hard logic behind what hybrids can do for this nation; "If every privately owned vehicle in America was traded in today for a Prius, it would reduce the amount of oil our nation requires to a level that could be fully supported by our own resources!"

Let me say that again in case it didn't sink in fully the first time; "If every privately owned vehicle in America was traded in today for a Prius, it would reduce the amount of oil our nation requires to a level that could be fully supported by our own resources!" (and that's without having to drill in Alaska!)

How about that for a direct connection between the Prius, and reducing, nay, ELIMINATING our dependency on foreign oil! Imagine, American's making a single conscious choice simply of what automobile to buy, one that is currently available to everyone, that in no way inhibits them from continuing to live they way they do presently, yet ends our need to import oil! Can you imagine the far reaching ramifications of that?

What's so sad is that while this possible future lies directly in front of us, waiting to be embraced, Rush Limbaugh still cannot "see the connection between hybrids and cutting our dependency on foreign oil" as he drives home in one of his vehicles, none of which, he is proud to admit, get better than 14mpg! He states that he would never drive a vehicle that gets better mileage than that because they are too small and unsafe! Personally, I think I would prefer the safety of living in a nation that doesn't have an economy that's stability depends upon purchasing oil from terrorist regimes!

Rush says that you have to pay $10,000 more for a hybrid than you do for a comparable non-hybrid vehicle. Hmm! What can you compare a vehicle as unique as the Prius to I wonder? The Prius is one of the smoothest, quietest, most enjoyable vehicles I have ever driven! A buddy of mine says he prefers driving it over his brand new BMW 745! He even says the GPS navigation technology is more sophisticated in his Prius than it is in the BMW!

The Prius starts at $22,000 - very well equipped! Let's see, that must mean that Rush feels that a comparable vehicle to the Prius ($22,000-$10,000) goes for around $12,000! Wow! What can you buy for $12,000? Do they still make Yugos? Even if they did, I doubt a $12,000 Yugo would have power windows, power door locks, AC, cruise control, Automatic (Maintenance Free!) CVT Transmission, AM FM Stereo with CD Player, keyless entry, etc. etc. etc. (all standard features on the Prius) The Yugo also doesn't get over 50mpg!

Even Toyota's Highlander Hybrid gets DOUBLE the mileage of a Ford Explorer, with more power, more standard features, a similar price point, and 1/10 the emissions!

Another thing that Rush is perhaps unaware of is that all these "Enviro Wackos" as he defines them, really ARE helping to reduce pollution by driving a Prius, due to the fact that a Prius produces 1/10 as many pollutants as your standard 5 passenger sedan. Put into perspective, when driving in the city, that means that often times the pollutants created by the engine, coming out of the tailpipe, are of lower concentration than those already in the air it is being released into! Maybe we should feed a hose from the tailpipe of the Prius into the passenger cabin when driving in downtown during rush hour so as to avoid breathing in all that smog!

Rush says that the Prius's MPG numbers are fudged! Well duh! Who do you think comes up with those numbers? It's not Toyota, I'll tell you that much! Those numbers are generated by the US government. Toyota stands by the fact that you will get between 45mpg-52mpg on average in the Prius depending on your driving habits. This is less than the 60mpg City listed in the window, true. However, that being said, you certainly CAN get 60mpg in the Prius if you drive it conservatively enough. I have done it myself.

The thing that people need to realize is that NO VEHICLE, driven normally, gets the mileage listed in the window! My understanding is that they ALL, on average, including the Prius, get about 26% less than the mileage listed in the window! When you compare a Hummer to a Prius though, a Hummer getting 7.4mpg instead of the 10pmg indicated in the window seems trivial compared to 44.4mpg instead of the 60mpg indicated in the window. They are both only 26% lower than advertised however.

Rush also states that the Prius has no get up and go. When asked if Rush has ever driven a Prius, his response is "He'd never be caught dead in one of those things!" While this doesn't surprise me in the least, what he doesn't realize is the current Prius goes from 0-60 in 10 seconds! Speaking technically, that level of acceleration is referred to as "pretty darn fast!" (As fast as a Camry, and MUCH faster than a Yugo!) Thanks to its electric motor, which can run simultaneously with the gas engine, the Prius also has more torque than almost any other vehicle on the road! (Nearly as much as a Hummer H2 if you can believe it!)

Rush proclaims that the cost of ownership is higher over 5 years on a hybrid than a comparable non-hybrid vehicle. This of course includes him factoring the $10,000 "premium" people have supposedly paid to buy a hybrid.

In reality, the Prius is one of the first vehicles offered by Toyota to include a maintenance free transmission with only 5 moving parts! (a standard automatic transmission has over 500 moving parts, and requires maintenance every 15,000 miles) The transmission and all hybrid components in the Prius, including the batteries are also maintenance free, and GUARANTEED for 10 years, 150,000 miles in the State of California (and I think 8 years, 100,000 miles in the rest of the country). This is just the warranty however, and Toyota states that the actual life of the transmission, and all hybrid components, including batteries, should exceed the "lifetime of the vehicle" under normal driving conditions. In other words, you should never have to worry about or do anything to those items... EVER.

The ONLY scheduled maintenance even listed in the maintenance guide other than the occasional inspections of components is oil changes! You can also expect the sophisticated regenerative braking aboard the Prius to save you money on brake pads as well.

So basically, Rush's entire argument about the higher cost of ownership of the Prius is based ENTIRELY on his flawed comparison of the Prius to a $12,000 "Yugo," simply because the "Yugo" is cheaper to buy. (I say the Yugo, because there is no such car in existence, comparable to the Prius, at that price range to compare to!) Personally I'd say the Prius is more comparable to a Lexus is300 (which costs more than the Prius), both in ride quality, performance, and amenities. If you want to compare it to a Toyota branded model, the closest match is the Camry XLE, which also has a HIGHER price tag than the Prius!

The bottom line is that you shouldn't believe everything you hear, especially if it comes out of Rush's mouth! If you want to give the Prius a fair shake, then go down to your local Toyota dealership and judge for yourself! I've rarely seen a person walk away from a Prius test drive without a smile on their face, and they are usually headed towards the sales desk!

If you already drive a Prius, you should take a moment to pat yourself on the back! I "get" what you are doing even if Rush doesn't!

Best regards,

David Franklin
Independent Hybrid/Electric Vehicle Consultant