My name is Dave, and I believe I am living with Morgellon's Disease.
Several Doctors I have been to over the years have diagnosed me as Delusional, which is a diagnosis that I do not agree with and will not accept.
It all began 5 years ago when I developed a severe respiratory infection that recurred for about 8 months. (Every time it seemed I was past it would come back again) Within that time, everything about me changed, both physically and mentally. I went from being an outgoing, energetic, up-beat person to being worn-down, depressed, miserable, and reclusive. My perceptions were totally transformed. What had previously been simple tasks suddenly seemed arduous and monotonous. I was in a constant state of malaise, and was constantly fatigued. I began experiencing frequent, inexplicable bouts of anxiety (with no rational cause), which eventually progressed to the point that I starting having panic attacks at work just before I was terminated due to excessive sick days and poor work performance. My mental and physical condition was definitely not compatible with the job I was expected to perform. Just 3 months prior to losing my job, (before I became ill) I was awarded for being one of the top performers in my company. I went from "Hero to Zero" in 3 months.
Shortly after that I lost my apartment and moved to a friend's house in San Francisco to recuperate.
By the time the respiratory infections finally stopped recurring, I had lost my health insurance, and was on Unemployment.
Eventually, I started feeling a little better so I decided to go back to work, long before my unemployment benefits were to run out. Almost immediately after I started my new job, it became apparent that I was NOT better. All of the same issues that had cost me my previous job were still present. Still, I tried to do my job to the best of my ability, in the hopes things would improve at some point, but my fatigue issues were worsening, as were my anxiety issues. Having worked in high-stress jobs all my life without any issue or anxiety, suddenly I had ZERO tolerance for stress. My condition continued to worsen until I finally resigned 2 months later, realizing I was not fit to do my job. I attempted to restore my unemployment benefits but was unable, since I resigned from my job. Shortly afterwards, my car, which I had put $5000 down on, that only had 18 payments left of $256 a month before it was paid off got impounded due to expired tags, and even though I was not behind on my payments, due the fact that I was unable to pay the impound fees, my finance company decided to repossessed the vehicle, before the impound fees climbed any higher.
Even though I had thousands of dollars of equity in it, they decided to sell it at wholesale auction for far less than its appraised value, and send me a bill for the difference between what was owed on it and what they gave it away for at auction.
I found myself stranded in my friend's house in San Francisco, debilitated and penniless. Since I could no longer afford to pay rent for the room that I was staying in, my friend was gracious enough to allow me to move into his basement storage room, for a much lower rent (that I was also unable to pay). In consideration for my health situation, and my past years of on-time rent payments (when I had lived in his house 15 years before), he continued to allow me to stay even though I was unable to pay rent most of the time. (Thank you Bob!)
I still had NO CLUE what was wrong with me. It wasn't long after this that I suddenly started developing some unusual skin issues which included strange skin lesions and the sensation that something was crawling all over my skin. Initially, this was the most intolerable element of my illness. It was maddening! I began to notice strange VERY thin translucent fibers on my skin, sometimes spliter-like, that would occasionally seem to stick straight out and wiggle from side to side. On rare occasions these fibers, and other strange shapes on my skin were tinted blue, red, or black. One one or more occasion I discovered bright red fibers that almost seemed to be GLOWING, protruding from some of the lesions on my skin. Small flesh-colored lumps started to appear on my face, in my nose, and on my head, seeming to attach themselves to follicles. Whenever my beard grew long enough these lumps started to visibly appear on my face, and occasionally lesions would start to form. I started having irritations in my eyes, ears, and sinuses, which all seemed to be related to these lumps and fibers that were appearing everywhere.
By this point, I was convinced that I was dealing some type of parasite. I even collected some samples of material (fibers and other unusual matter that had come off my skin, and in one case, out of my eye) to take into the Doctor. Upon doing so I received my first diagnosis of "Delusional Parasitosis", without the Doctor even bothering to look at my samples. Apparently Doctor's are taught in medical school that when patients bring in samples that they have collected from their skin (referred to in Medical texts as a "matchbook sample"), this is cause for an immediate diagnosis of "Delusional Parasitosis", with there being NO NEED to examine the samples.
This was not to be the last of my "Delusional Parasitosis" diagnoses. To date, nearly every Doctor I have seen has come to this conclusion within 30 seconds of meeting me. Others have at least run a standard set of blood tests before coming to the same conclusion (Delusional Parasitosis), due to the fact that my blood tests always come back "normal" (NOTE: To date I have not yet been able to afford to see a Morgellon's Specialist)
This Blog documents my life for the past 4 years, and my struggle to identify the true source of my debilitating health issues, to be taken seriously by a Doctor, to get treated for my illness, cured, and to hopefully someday get on with my life if possible!
I believe that I am suffering from a REAL physical condition. I do NOT accept that I am delusional, nor does anyone else who knows me well. I have met (and lived with) delusional people before, and am familiar with their condition. I am certain that I do not share that condition. I do not hear voices. I do not see things that aren't there. I do not see faces in shadows. I have real physical symptoms that show physical evidence of being real. Aside from my mental health issues that I believe are symptoms of my physical condition (fatigue, anxiety, mental fog), I believe I am of sound mind.
Several Doctors I have been to over the years have diagnosed me as Delusional, which is a diagnosis that I do not agree with and will not accept.
It all began 5 years ago when I developed a severe respiratory infection that recurred for about 8 months. (Every time it seemed I was past it would come back again) Within that time, everything about me changed, both physically and mentally. I went from being an outgoing, energetic, up-beat person to being worn-down, depressed, miserable, and reclusive. My perceptions were totally transformed. What had previously been simple tasks suddenly seemed arduous and monotonous. I was in a constant state of malaise, and was constantly fatigued. I began experiencing frequent, inexplicable bouts of anxiety (with no rational cause), which eventually progressed to the point that I starting having panic attacks at work just before I was terminated due to excessive sick days and poor work performance. My mental and physical condition was definitely not compatible with the job I was expected to perform. Just 3 months prior to losing my job, (before I became ill) I was awarded for being one of the top performers in my company. I went from "Hero to Zero" in 3 months.
Shortly after that I lost my apartment and moved to a friend's house in San Francisco to recuperate.
By the time the respiratory infections finally stopped recurring, I had lost my health insurance, and was on Unemployment.
Eventually, I started feeling a little better so I decided to go back to work, long before my unemployment benefits were to run out. Almost immediately after I started my new job, it became apparent that I was NOT better. All of the same issues that had cost me my previous job were still present. Still, I tried to do my job to the best of my ability, in the hopes things would improve at some point, but my fatigue issues were worsening, as were my anxiety issues. Having worked in high-stress jobs all my life without any issue or anxiety, suddenly I had ZERO tolerance for stress. My condition continued to worsen until I finally resigned 2 months later, realizing I was not fit to do my job. I attempted to restore my unemployment benefits but was unable, since I resigned from my job. Shortly afterwards, my car, which I had put $5000 down on, that only had 18 payments left of $256 a month before it was paid off got impounded due to expired tags, and even though I was not behind on my payments, due the fact that I was unable to pay the impound fees, my finance company decided to repossessed the vehicle, before the impound fees climbed any higher.
Even though I had thousands of dollars of equity in it, they decided to sell it at wholesale auction for far less than its appraised value, and send me a bill for the difference between what was owed on it and what they gave it away for at auction.
I found myself stranded in my friend's house in San Francisco, debilitated and penniless. Since I could no longer afford to pay rent for the room that I was staying in, my friend was gracious enough to allow me to move into his basement storage room, for a much lower rent (that I was also unable to pay). In consideration for my health situation, and my past years of on-time rent payments (when I had lived in his house 15 years before), he continued to allow me to stay even though I was unable to pay rent most of the time. (Thank you Bob!)
I still had NO CLUE what was wrong with me. It wasn't long after this that I suddenly started developing some unusual skin issues which included strange skin lesions and the sensation that something was crawling all over my skin. Initially, this was the most intolerable element of my illness. It was maddening! I began to notice strange VERY thin translucent fibers on my skin, sometimes spliter-like, that would occasionally seem to stick straight out and wiggle from side to side. On rare occasions these fibers, and other strange shapes on my skin were tinted blue, red, or black. One one or more occasion I discovered bright red fibers that almost seemed to be GLOWING, protruding from some of the lesions on my skin. Small flesh-colored lumps started to appear on my face, in my nose, and on my head, seeming to attach themselves to follicles. Whenever my beard grew long enough these lumps started to visibly appear on my face, and occasionally lesions would start to form. I started having irritations in my eyes, ears, and sinuses, which all seemed to be related to these lumps and fibers that were appearing everywhere.
By this point, I was convinced that I was dealing some type of parasite. I even collected some samples of material (fibers and other unusual matter that had come off my skin, and in one case, out of my eye) to take into the Doctor. Upon doing so I received my first diagnosis of "Delusional Parasitosis", without the Doctor even bothering to look at my samples. Apparently Doctor's are taught in medical school that when patients bring in samples that they have collected from their skin (referred to in Medical texts as a "matchbook sample"), this is cause for an immediate diagnosis of "Delusional Parasitosis", with there being NO NEED to examine the samples.
This was not to be the last of my "Delusional Parasitosis" diagnoses. To date, nearly every Doctor I have seen has come to this conclusion within 30 seconds of meeting me. Others have at least run a standard set of blood tests before coming to the same conclusion (Delusional Parasitosis), due to the fact that my blood tests always come back "normal" (NOTE: To date I have not yet been able to afford to see a Morgellon's Specialist)
This Blog documents my life for the past 4 years, and my struggle to identify the true source of my debilitating health issues, to be taken seriously by a Doctor, to get treated for my illness, cured, and to hopefully someday get on with my life if possible!
I believe that I am suffering from a REAL physical condition. I do NOT accept that I am delusional, nor does anyone else who knows me well. I have met (and lived with) delusional people before, and am familiar with their condition. I am certain that I do not share that condition. I do not hear voices. I do not see things that aren't there. I do not see faces in shadows. I have real physical symptoms that show physical evidence of being real. Aside from my mental health issues that I believe are symptoms of my physical condition (fatigue, anxiety, mental fog), I believe I am of sound mind.
